So powerful and sad at the same time.
All romantic relationships with a narcissist inevitably lead to this. No ‘Significant Other’ will ever be able to stay perfect enough to prevent the isolating, deeply confusing & traumatic cycle of devaluation then discard. You’ll never get closure and will also have to suffer a twisted smear campaign casting your narc as the victim and you the aggressor. Your ‘lose-lose’ choice is then to tell the world your unbelievable story and look like the crazy ex he claims you are (as were all the others)….or suffer in silence. Either way, that you ever existed, as a couple, will be swiflty wiped from all channels. This will feel brutal and will devastate, but you won’t have any time to gather your strength before you get to watch his next unsuspecting victim stepping into your shoes to live your best life. She will post endless quotes about destiny, the perfect partner, love and the magic of finding her soul-mate….just as you did. You’ll see the 2 of them sharing beautiful moments together and with friends, enjoying luxury holidays and doing everything you did together and had planned to do in the future. Its a killer….an intensely traumatic and long long long period of acute confusion and pain will follow as you struggle to deal with what you know to be fact whilst your brain, hiding in a state of cognitive dissonance, reminds you only of the incomparable highs you shared.
Ultimately, I promise, you will slowly start to rediscover yourself and recover the pleasures of ‘normal’. In all honesty, you probably won’t ever forget the best of him, of ‘it’. but you will recognise those memories as a false reality, a mirage designed to bond you intentionally to a man wearing a mask.
Know that he can never experience true satisfaction in anything. Devoid of empathy, he can’t really feel anything or experience intimacy and emotional attachment to anyone….no more than a 6 year old might feel happy with a new toy until someone else comes along with a better, more shiny one. His life, every single day, is a constant search for external validation. He can’t be alone or content without objects or people giving him value. But nothing ever fills the pit of emptiness. He is condemned to keep moving, sometimes quite far away in order to stay under the radar and safely reinvent himself. Moving and searching, for ‘the one’ who won’t disappoint him by driving herself to the point of madness and showing your distress. He hates your tears. You’re only an extension of him and therefore your tears expose his weakness which disgusts him.
You didn’t manage the ultimate stonewall did you? You couldn’t just keep quiet and ignore the never-ending manipulations, gaslighting and lies… and no one else ever will and live to tell the tale. Be grateful you escaped with your life and your sanity, in whatever form. Not everyone is that lucky.
For the purposes of this blog, « Narcissist » is:
1. a person with Narcissistic Personality Disorder: and
2. is written as a man but applies equally to the female narcissist