Reality denied

So my mum arrives Saturday,

So you won’t be free next week then?

I’d no idea she was coming at all….

So you won’t be free next week?

Well she expects me to drive her to the Paris house for Easter…

So you won’t be free next week then? Or for Easter?

Well I haven’t really thought that far ahead.

But you’ll be busy for Easter then?

I’ve made no firm plans yet.

So are you taking your mum or not?

Well she expects me to take her to meet my brother and then they’re staying at the house for Easter.

So you’re going to be in Paris with them for Easter?

They know I may have other plans, though they’d be delighted if I was around.

But you don’t have other plans?

Well I’d love to see you.

But you’ve already arranged the whole of April without consulting me. You’re clearly going to be with your mum and brother until after Easter. I imagine I’d have been invited, had you wanted me to be there. Saying you’d like to see me too, saying that now, sounds very nice but is impossible to achieve, given that you have already committed to them.

Oh no, they accept that I may or may not be around.

But your mother arrives Saturday and expects you to leave for Paris with her. You know that you will take her.

I’m so annoyed she didn’t consult me in advance. Honey the doctor has also just confirmed my appointment on the 24th.

I’d no idea you’d asked for an appointment? How convenient that it falls just after Easter. You’ll be able to spend the holiday with your mum and brother and then go up to Lille for the appointment.

Honey I do have to get my back sorted. The pain is chronic now. I simply can’t commit to any of our joint plans until I’ve got the pain under control. I just threw some random dates out there. I’m doing this for us. You do understand that don’t you honey?

Your back flares up every time you have a sticky situation to explain honey.

I do find it difficult to organise all of these things. Even though you may find them banal. I’m already having a panic attack thinking about the doctor.

You’ve had to organise a few appointments and make a few decisions. I’m sorry that you find that difficult honey. It just feels like you have a response, that isn’t an answer, to every question I ask. You’ve missed all of the significant moments in my life so far this year. You make no ‘plans’ but everything falls into place around the dates that suit you, whilst keeping all of the significant players in your theatrical life apart. Panic attacks and illness are your response to awkward questions…..

Honey, I have to pop out to the shops, talk later?

2 hours later

Insert picture message – a painting” Honey, heres the painting I’ve been working on.

Looks like a great start. Nice movement.

Oh thank you honey, so do you like it honey?

As I said, yes. It looks like a great start (head in hands).